My strange relationship with Almighty and Gratitude for yet bestowing his blessings on me.

thank you lord

Geting ready for work seeing myself in mirror and i felt something , i felt grateful to God for he given me so much without asking. I wonder why ? My relationship with Almighty is strange and sometime hard for people to understand. Even sometime people consider me Atheist. I dn’t feel offended though i just wonder do i ?

Being Hindu we have so many rituals, so many ways of showing our love to God but I hardly knew few, I hardly follow few, i rarely fast, i rarely go to temples.Daily going to God place never came in my routine. Even if on my way to work I pass to some Temple, Church or Gurudwara and I feel the calling to stop and pay the visit I shut it and say will get late to work that will not be good and just say short prayer of mine while passing his holy places. Never gave lord special time. Was God happy with me for me dedicated more to my work and life he bestowed to me than to him. I might had not shown my love to him , my faith to him but I never disrespected him and tried my best never to any of his child, I simply get moving what he bestowed me with , I simply went giving what i can . My love, my care, my understanding, my best helping hand to who so ever I met in this life. I believed in serving and relishing his creation more than him .Atheist or not i dn’t know. But i tried to find him in all.

And seeing myself in mirror as a strong , beautiful lady and with all these thoughts playing in my mind i wonder what i did for the lord that he bestowed me with the beauty of a lady to relish, with the brain to b wise, with the power of patience and understanding towards other , with the strength to digest all the pain and enjoy the solitude, with the little weird yet most beautiful family and friends . I dn’t remember anything special i had done for the Lord yet he bestowed me. Rembering all this i felt so thankful and sorry @ the same time not for not being a great lover to lord but if unknowingly i had done something which he dose’nt wanted me to do, had hurt any of his child, in short if unknowingly i had  ever failed Almighty with the purpose he has sent me on this earth.


p.c. google


Delusion of accepting new changes and leaving old behind.

All of sudden life seems to b changing it’s routien, i m not sure to b happy or sad for it, i m in total delusion. I want to enjoy dis new changes but it costing lot to me. I m going to resign next month, frm next month i won’t b geting ready going to hospital, taking rounds, giving morning smiles to patients. No morning drive enjoying morning life @ road. Bt again this was something i wanted , i signed myself for it . so when now the changes are happening why i m scared to lose wat i was having and worrying how i wl b blending in new atmosphere. But then again i think itz human geting scare of new things and still wanting them. I m scared of loosing my comfort zone @ which i m right now. Then new place, new ppl , new life they too will b providing so much to me (hope so) if not much will surely take me bit away from pressure of marriage i m burden wid @ home. I know my parents are not wrong about it but y go with such a big thing for which i feel i m not ready.

I will miss my family , my work for sure but this is something i need for my personal growth, i need to move out from my nest now. I m seeing weird expressions in ppl eyes who know i m leaving, they all bit depended on me and i m on them too. I dn’t know this is my necessity or my only option. As life demands moving on and frm past 3&1/2 yr i m stuck @ same not growing, not moving just stuck so in delusion chages are good or bad ? was stucking, being consistence is good ? or seeing ,trying and experiencing new ?  but whatever this is,  this is choosen by me and I think by God too for me. I simply wish and ask God to  give strength  to  me to move on this path with all patience and faith for life. May new things make me more better wid myself and wid this world.  Huhu finger cross…

( i m leaving my home town for further studies three yr course far away frm here, giving all my savings too it, and my job too , wondering what if it took all and turn out not good for me , bt datz wat life is all about taking risk and trying new callings )


Syrian kid taught how weak human race is.

syrian boy

It has been days of syrian kid news and that innocencyng lying dead on beach has disturbed each soul according to me. But i was wondering what we as human has achieved , this ? We need identity to live , to have basics of life. And this identity is so cheap that could be played by any political hand. Aren’t animals more secure and free then human these days. They are allow to live where ever they want, race their progenies any where they feel safe for them, there is no border for them .where human race bounded in so many lines that crossing any line chossing any way of survival lead them to risk their life.Are we really growing or ??

The laws we made for society, the religion there to keep human in line of being right or wrong. Y all falling apart ? Y the greed of man surviving and damaging his race ? Y the faith is shaking itz root ? Y human forget his basic motto to survive and let all other of his race to survive with same dignity ? Y his motto of survival turn in greed of dominating others ? Y human is the only race enemy of his own race ? Y we devided in so many different forms that we forget that @ first we all are human , species with finest brain and heart to serve, but forgeting the prime , human get busy in serving the secondary ,the caste, religion,all means dividing human in one or  other forms. Y the secondary ,greed of dominating is served more than primary serving the man kind… All these questions have only one purpose to open eye and save human race from killing each other & to stop making surviver of own species tough… May humanity rise in each heart of human..


p.c. google

Take initatives in life and you will relish beauty of life..

Today is a festive day, spzl day for brother nd sister..i have a baby bro 8 yr youngers to me whom i love to an extreme nd for whom i feel very mothery itz other story he treat me like a lil gal dese days..i feel rly lucky to have him in my life nd i cn’t imagine my life widout him. V celebrate dis day wid lots of sweets, beautiful rakhi’s nd me by cooking spzl dishes fr him.

But this time he is out of town for studies nd cud’nt come for festival, nd i serving as a resident doctor choose to go to work so that the others who need off can take it for spending time wid their family. Since morning i was feeling so empty nd missing him a lot. But whn i came @ work i found vry few staff it was obvious . the one i was left @ workplace share same emptiness, they too ve their siblings apart or haven’t got off.

I m usually in my cabin bt today out of blue i thought to b wid staff. I went to thm nd started wid general chit chat dey told me dey dislikng their empty hands ( missing rakhi threads on it ) nd missing sweets. I felt emotional nd said so wat if v r @ work lets ve a party here, v all arranged bit fud stuffs, i went to near by store nd brought rakhi threads for all, dey were not my siblings bt just a fellow wid same emptiness. Bt on just my small initative nd thier too needless to say, v all became a strong family today. I relished today dis beauty of life killing de emptiness by spreading smiles..